Mona Vee sighed and glanced at the floor, contemplating what was quickly becoming her future. Of course she saw Edwardo Peen in it, but the way he treated her left Mona in a spiraling confusion. On one hand, she secretly enjoyed his cruel, rough mind and unbelievable body. On the other, her new discovery of lust had left her aspirations begging to explore the world.
She sat down on the floor, crossing her right leg under her outstretched left, and allowing her neck to slowly cascade downward until her forehead landed in her open palm. Just as Mona closed her eyes, a knock echoed through the room, springing Mona back to her feet.
“Yes,” she asked.
“It’s me, the Peen-machine,” said a raspy voice.
“Who?” Mona asked, practically dripping of stereotype.
“The Peen-machine,” the voice repeated.
“I’m afraid I don’t know any Peen-machines,” Mona replied, thumbing through a beige Rolodex she kept conveniently near the door. She had no entries for “Peen-machine” under the letter P.
“Really? It’s me. Edwardo. We literally just had sex yesterday. I called myself ‘The Peen-Meister’ the entire time.”
Mona paused for a second, twirling her hair between her fingers, before standing up, walking over to the door, and pulling back the deadbolt with a satisfying click. The door immediately swung open, narrowly missing her face. Mona took a step back while eyeing Edwardo up and down. Before her stood an over-weight man, bulging stomach falling just above his sex, which was caked in what appeared to be whipped cream. His chest was thick with dark, curly hair, with the exception of a small patch on his shoulder. Apart from his beige New Balance sneakers, a blue fanny back around his waist, and the whipped cream, Edwardo was completely naked.
“Hey, babe. I thought I’d bring you a banana split,” Edwardo said, forming a V with his hands around his sex. Mona quickly glanced down at the floor, too ashamed to do anything, but too aroused to move away. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to get over here looking like this. I had to reapply this cream four times. Also, apparently public nudity is a crime.”
Mona remained silent, stealing glances at him when she felt safest. His lips were shimmering with drool, like an infant too young to wipe its own mouth. She took a napkin from her pocket and slowly draped it across his mouth.
“Eat it,” Edwardo said, glancing at the napkin. “I want you to eat it.”
Mona stood still, unsure of what to do.
“Did you misunderstand me? I want you to put that napkin in your mouth and eat it.”
Mona slowly raised the napkin to her lips, then pushed it into her moistened mouth.
“Good girl. Swallow it.”
Mona tried to swallow the napkin, but found it to be a bit drier than she liked. Perhaps, she thought, ketchup would make it easier to manage. She held up her pointer finger, signaling for Edwardo to “wait a second,” then turned toward her kitchen. Edwardo followed closely behind her, cackling just loud enough for her to hear it.
Once in the kitchen, Mona turned toward her over-sized silver refrigerator and pulled the door open. A bottle of dill pickles fell out and shattered on the floor. Mona stared for a moment before deciding that the pickles were most definitely not ketchup. She fumbled within the fridge, searching for a red bottle, until finding and removing the Heinz Ketchup. Edwardo grabbed the bottle from her.
“If you want this, I’m going to have to be in charge.” Edwardo turned the bottle upside down and poured it on his chest. “Lick it off.”
The ketchup dripped slowly down Edwardo’s chest, coming to a stop on his tumor-like stomach. Mona bent down and began licking, choking slightly on the dense forest of hair. She began to wonder if it were possible for an owl to make his chest a home.
“Good girl, now swallow that napkin.” Mona tried, but found the napkin would not go down.
“Mmmpphmmmhm,” Mona said, nodding and looking at her watch. She felt as though she finally had the upper hand.
“What did you say to me?” Edwardo asked.
Mona paused. “Mmmphmpphm.”
“I said swallow that napkin,” Edwardo shouted, fat jiggling like jello in a wind tunnel. “You eat that napkin right now!”
Mona mixed the ketchup and napkin together in her mouth for a moment, until finally moistening it enough to swallow.
“Good, good. That’s perfect,” Edwardo said. He paused for a moment, eyeing Mona up and down, before unzipping his fanny pack.
Mona stared at Edwardo, still stealing glances at his sex whenever she could. The whipped cream was melting and dripping off, but his tiny sex was still not visible. She watched as he dug within his fanny pack, until he abruptly stopped.
“Oh, here it is,” Edwardo said, eyes wide. Slowly, he pulled out thin black cord, which Mona recognized from the night before. She blinked as he grabbed her hands and tied them behind her back.
“Hold on a minute,” Edwardo said, turning and walking toward the door, a trail of whipped cream following him. Mona shifted her weight slightly, looking up at the ceiling to inspect for water damage. There was no water damage, but there was a tiny silver bird sitting on her sky light. She had never seen a bird of that color before, but something about it seemed so familiar.
“Here we go,” Edwardo shouted, half-running back into the house. He was carrying a box draped over with a cloth. “Tonight we’re going to try something new, something I once witnessed at a petting zoo.” Edwardo bent down in front of Mona, looking like a ball of wet dough that fell on the floor of a barber shop. He slowly removed the cloth, reveling a live chicken.
“Tonight, I am going to have this chicken walk on your body, and you are going to love every second of it.”