Words. On the Internet.

And perhaps some punctuation?

Main Menu

Skip to content
  • About

Tag Archives: Writing

Zach Diamond Toaster

Chuck Has an Argument with His Toaster

July 11, 2014by Zach 5 Comments

Chuck stared at the toaster. It was such a rude device, always insulting his mother as he passed by. Tony, back in fourth grade, had insulted his mother once, said […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Fiction, Short Story
Hell House Zach Diamond

Chuck Considers the Merits of Purchasing a Home in Hell

July 8, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

“I don’t know,” Chuck said, staring at the wall of fire ahead of him. “It looks a little painful for a living room.” Several sharp, metallic hands seemed to be […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Longer Story
Mayo Man Zach Diamond

The Adventures of Mayo Man: A Very Tangy Robbery

July 1, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“Mayo Nip.” No, too blatant. I sighed softly, staring at the door of the bank across the street while rubbing my nipples tenderly. I’d been sitting in my hotel for […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Longer Story
Zach Diamond Dark Knight

A Review of “The Dark Knight” by a Critic Who Unintentionally Watched the Bootleg Version

June 27, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

I recently watched The Dark Knight, and I must say: for all the acclaim it has received, I really found it, well, bad. The film opens up in what looks […]

Read Article →
"Non-fiction", Comedic Essay, Comedy
Credit to Wikia

Chuck Comes to a Startling Realization

June 25, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

“Has the sky always been so black?” Chuck said, staring up toward the darkened clouds. They looked odd, he’d never really noticed how peculiar they were. In fact, he wasn’t […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
wickersonart.wordpress.com

Chuck Accidentally Kills Himself and Goes to Hell

June 20, 2014by Zach 5 Comments

“Hey,” Chuck said, trying to bend his tongue backwards into his throat. A piece of hot dog was lodged just beyond his reach. He stared at the vaguely-human creature ahead […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Zach Diamond Chuck

Chuck Confronts Several Racist Aliens

June 17, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

I didn’t want to send Chuck. Honestly, I would’ve rather gone with Ted. Sure, he was slightly retarded—sorry, mentally impaired—but at least I knew he could be trained. Ted was submissive, […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Obama Adventures Zach Diamond

Obama Adventures: The United States Transforms Into a Jet

June 13, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

“Mr. Obama!” shouted Hilary, kicking in the door to the Oval Office. “Don’t touch that fucking shit-cunt of a button!” “Why not, Clinton?” Obama said, tenderly rubbing the button as […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Obama Adventures, Short Story

Jesus Suffers a Bit of Stage Fright

June 10, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

“Hey, Jesus, how about some wine?” “Huh?” Jesus said, turning around. He softly brushed his long, brown hair out of his eyes with his left hand, careful to keep the […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Interrogation Zach Diamond

The Pun Outlaw: Crime and Punishment

June 5, 2014by Zach 3 Comments

“Sir, I was looking for you,” Howard said, staring at the back of the chief’s neck. “We got him.” He turned around slowly, eyes staring down at a manila folder […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
I'm Not Very Good At This Zach Diamond

I’m Not Very Good At This: Chapter 1

June 3, 2014by Zach 9 Comments

(This is the first chapter to a novel-length story I’m working on. Title is very tentative, as is this chapter. And I need to make a real picture, rather than some random […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, I'm Not Very Good At This, Longer Story
Trial by Combat Zach Diamond

Howard Requests a Trial by Combat for a Speeding Ticket

May 30, 2014by Zach 5 Comments

Trial by combat. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time: the short, fat judge wide-eyed as Howard uttered the words. It just made so much sense. He […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Zach Diamond Historical

Historical Bang Bus: A Natural Selection

May 23, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Chaz glanced out the window of the bus as it slowly crept down the street. None of the people were right, they were all too stained. He wanted someone innocent, […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Longer Story, NSFW
Zach Diamond Monologue

A Kindergartener with the Inner Monologue of a Pedantic 35-Year-Old Struggles With His Seat Belt

May 21, 2014by Zach 3 Comments

It was cold out, the gusting wind harsh against my exposed face. Mother had told me to wear my hat and scarf so as to conceal my skin from the […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Space Rednecks Zach Diamond

Space Rednecks: Protectors of Intergalactic Property

May 16, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“Hey Chuck.” “Hey Billy Bob.” “You see that there dang pile of rocks in that there corner?” “Sure do,” Chuck said. “I’m thinkin’ that rock pile is givin’ us a […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Luck Zach Diamond

The Flawless, Perfect Burden of the Luckiest Man Alive

May 13, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Chuck slid off the side of his bed so that his feet rested against the floor, then lowered his head into his upturned palms. It was another Saturday, another meaningless […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Depressing, Fiction, Short Story
Russian War Zach Diamond

Russia Accidentally Catches on Fire

May 9, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“Hey Dave,” Chuck said, left hand resting against the window as his right hand grasped the bar below it to stabilize himself. “Yeah?” “Remind me, was Russia always on fire?” […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Obama Letter Zach Diamond

An Actual Letter from Former President Barack Obama to His Replacement

May 6, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Hey Dogg, It’s President Obama. Well, former-President Obama. What’s good? Don’t bother responding to that, this is an email and I won’t be able to hear what you said. I […]

Read Article →
"Non-fiction", Comedy, Obama Adventures
Romance Novel Zach Diamond

An Excerpt from a Romance Novel Written by a Homeschooled Feminist

May 2, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Steven leaned naked against the frame of the open bathroom door, his gleaming member dangling like the tail of a dog that knew it’d done something wrong. She stared at […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Apocalypse-Zach-Diamond

The Mysterious, Pink “Kill Yourself” in the Night

April 30, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

Chuck stared at the sign on the building, the words “Kill Yourself” back-lit atop pink, glittery letters. He hadn’t seen the color pink in decades—or any color, for that matter. […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Phone Zach Diamond

Under the Influence

April 28, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

He held the phone in his hand, weightless yet inconceivably heavy at the same time. He could feel it tremble against his skull, quivering as he crushed the receiver against […]

Read Article →
Depressing, Fiction, Short Story

Chuck Grylls: Office Survivalist and Potential Murderer

April 23, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

Chuck pulled at the tie around his neck, the loop tightening under his chin, his eyes staring into the hazy, rectangular mirror above the sink. He looked good, rather more […]

Read Article →
Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Longer Story
Zach Diamond Swole Shaming

Swole Shamed by the Police [TRIGGER WARNING]

April 9, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

I’ve heard people claim that prejudice is dead, replaced in the modern era with acceptance and equality. I’ve heard it said that racism, bigotry, and body-shaming were a thing of the past. Call […]

Read Article →
Comedy, Swole Acceptance

The Flippers and Fur of Beauty Incarnate

March 19, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

The moment I saw her was the moment I knew my life would never be the same. The way her hair gently bounced with each step; the way her eyes […]

Read Article →
Comedic Essay

Post navigation

← Previous 1 2 3

All Posts

Yesterday’s Most Read

  • Mark the Janitor Is Pretty Sure the Building Isn't Trying to Kill Him
    Mark the Janitor Is Pretty Sure the Building Isn't Trying to Kill Him

Posts by Genre

  • "Children's" Story (2)
  • "Non-fiction" (18)
  • Chuck Tales (45)
  • Comedic Essay (15)
  • Comedy (119)
  • Depressing (13)
  • Fiction (116)
  • Horror (12)
  • I'm Not Very Good At This (2)
  • Longer Story (19)
  • NSFW (1)
  • Obama Adventures (6)
  • Poetry (11)
  • Short Story (92)
  • Swole Acceptance (2)
  • Uncategorized (5)

Click below to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.
(My mother assures me that subscribing was the fourth best thing she's done this week.)

Join 610 other followers

Well, what is this?

This is Words on the Internet, the only website recognized by both Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton as "good, old-fashioned family fun that won't spoil if left out of the refrigerator for too long." Although neither person has ever actually been quoted as saying that, nor does it make any sense, I can assure you that they probably would say exactly that given the opportunity. Maybe.

Every Tuesday and Friday, I write and post a short comedic story here. Sometimes they may even be funny. Whatever the case, I welcome you to subscribe, read, and comment as you’d like.

Please note: Nothing written on this website is to be taken seriously. Except that. And this. Not this, though.

Congrats, you're visitor number:

  • 87,384 (You don't win anything.)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 610 other followers

Hello.

Oh, hey. I didn’t see you there.

Follow Words. On the Internet. on WordPress.com
  • Follow Following
    • Words. On the Internet.
    • Join 610 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Words. On the Internet.
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...