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Category Archives: Short Story

A shorter work of fiction

Aliens Zach Diamond

Globflorb and the Super Mario-Themed Invasion Simulation

November 28, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“I think I see where we went wrong,” Globflorb said, wiggling his tentacle at the monitor. “Right here, we should have put some sort of box or something there.” The […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story, Uncategorized
Zach Diamond Office Babies

Howard Takes His Company Public Before Nap Time

November 25, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“Johnson,” Howard shouted, smashing his rattle against the wall, “I needed that report on my crib by 4:30 pm. It’s—” Howard paused, staring at the large, plastic owl-themed clock leaning […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Chuck Zombies Zach Diamond

Chuck is Surrounded by Corporate Zombies

November 21, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

“Hey Chuck,” Brian said, limping into the cafeteria, his right foot dragging behind him as he strolled. He was carrying a pink, half-eaten brain in his left hand, his right […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story

Chuck Has an Interspecies Identity Crisis

November 7, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

“What’s this all about?” Chuck said, falling backward into his chair at the kitchen table with a soft thud. “It’s not even 11:00pm yet, why did you throw everyone out?” […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Chuck Bank Zach Diamond

Chuck Accidentally Decapitates a Man at the Bank

November 4, 2014by Zach 3 Comments

Chuck stared at the crumpled body on the floor, a pool of blood collecting beneath it and blending into its wrinkled yellow cape. This was absolutely not how he’d expected […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story

Chuck Investigates a Particularly Fishy Crime Scene

October 31, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“I don’t think this was an accident,” Detective Greene said, staring down at the body, its torso half covered in a blue tarp. It had clearly been laying there for […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Vampire Ebola Zach Diamond

Dracula Accidentally Contracts Ebola

October 28, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

Chuck shifted slightly, the hospital bed creaking softly as he moved. If he’d wanted to spend the night in another bug-infested room, he could’ve stayed back in West Africa, rather […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Haunted House Zach Diamond

Chuck Moves Into a Not-So-Spooky Haunted House

October 21, 2014by Zach 3 Comments

“Boo,” hissed the sofa, its teeth chomping wildly as it inched closer to him. “Right back at you,” Chuck slurred, grasping the wall for balance as he contemplated whether it […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Obama Zach Diamond

Obama Adventures: Obama Gives a Drunken Speech to a Bunch of Children

October 17, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

“The thing most people don’t know about me,” Obama said, “is that I slept my way to the top.” He glanced over at Hillary and winked. “I’m not so sure […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Obama Adventures, Short Story

Chuck Pretends to be a French Alcoholic

October 3, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

  “Pardonnez-moi,” Chuck said, frantically rubbing at the crotch of the man next to him with a ball of what was clearly too many napkins. “Pardonnez-moi, pardonnez-moi!” “It’s okay,” said the […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story

President Chuck Learns America’s Greatest Secret

September 19, 2014by Zach 3 Comments

Chuck lifted his hand to his chin and softly scratched at his beard. He still wasn’t entirely used to having one, but his political adviser assured him it was “great […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story

Vegetable Folk Declare War on Vegetarians

September 16, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Carrot turned and stared at the monitor. A tall, brunette human with a massive head smiled back from behind the screen, a bowl of his cousin diced up just beneath […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Obama Adventures, Short Story
Zach Diamond Chocolate Factory

Undercover Chuck and the Chocolate Factory

September 9, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Chuck stared at the massive box of individually packaged candy on the table next to him. He’d been undercover for almost six months now, countless hours spent in the factory, […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story

Chuck Discovers a Whale on the Subway

August 29, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

  “Hey,” Chuck said, nudging the guy next to him. “This is the C train, right?” He had rushed to catch the train before it left the station and wasn’t […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Chuck Neighbor Zach Diamond

Chuck Saves His Real-Life Sitcom from Cancellation

August 26, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Chuck wiped the back of his hand across her mouth. They didn’t even realize how close they were to the end, how little time they had left. The executives would […]

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Chuck Tales, Fiction, Horror, Short Story
Robot Chuck Zach Diamond

Chuck Is Definitely Not a Robot

August 19, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

Chuck scratched his chin, his fingers sliding against his skin with a harsh metallic scrape. The doctor continued staring at him, his face locked in a dumbfounded expression, as if […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Chuck Meth Zach Diamond

Chuck Smokes Meth and Steals a Car

August 15, 2014by Zach 10 Comments

Chuck stared at the meth pipe now lying by the gas pedal of his 1990 IROC. He wasn’t entirely sure he had smoked it correctly, or if it was actually […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Zach Diamond Wile E Coyote

Wile E. Coyote Seeks an Outside Consultant

August 12, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

Wile sat with his right foot crossed over his left leg and watched as it shook up and down erratically. He didn’t like being in an office, they always made […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story

Howard Notices Something Strange About Chuck

August 8, 2014by Zach 6 Comments

“There’s something a little weird about Chuck today.” “What?” Stan said, turning toward Howard. “Is now really the best time for this?” Howard shifted the pistol in his hand, careful […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Jesus Fugitive Zach Diamond

Jesus Christ: Intergalactic Fugitive from the Law

July 25, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“Hello. I am an officer of the Intergalactic Ministry of Justice and I am looking for the fugitive known locally as ‘Jesus Christ’. Have you seen him?” “No,” Jesus said, […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Zach Diamond Portal

Chuck Accidentally Touches His Swirling Mirror

July 22, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

Chuck stared at the mirror above his bathroom sink. It looked different today. Well, it looked different most days, but typically that was due to how he was standing, what […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Singles Zach Diamond

Sarah Gets Sent to a Work Camp for Singles

July 19, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Sarah rolled over onto her back, the hardened cot pressing a foreign feeling into her spine. She’d been awake all night, eyes locked blankly on the darkened ceiling overhead, staring […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Horror, Short Story
Chuck Alien Zach Diamond

Chuck Detains an Illegal Alien

July 16, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Chuck stared down at the small, gray creature, its skin oily in appearance yet dry to the touch. Oblong eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling. They were larger than […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Zach Diamond Toaster

Chuck Has an Argument with His Toaster

July 11, 2014by Zach 5 Comments

Chuck stared at the toaster. It was such a rude device, always insulting his mother as he passed by. Tony, back in fourth grade, had insulted his mother once, said […]

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Chuck Tales, Fiction, Short Story
Credit to Wikia

Chuck Comes to a Startling Realization

June 25, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

“Has the sky always been so black?” Chuck said, staring up toward the darkened clouds. They looked odd, he’d never really noticed how peculiar they were. In fact, he wasn’t […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
wickersonart.wordpress.com

Chuck Accidentally Kills Himself and Goes to Hell

June 20, 2014by Zach 5 Comments

“Hey,” Chuck said, trying to bend his tongue backwards into his throat. A piece of hot dog was lodged just beyond his reach. He stared at the vaguely-human creature ahead […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Zach Diamond Chuck

Chuck Confronts Several Racist Aliens

June 17, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

I didn’t want to send Chuck. Honestly, I would’ve rather gone with Ted. Sure, he was slightly retarded—sorry, mentally impaired—but at least I knew he could be trained. Ted was submissive, […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Obama Adventures Zach Diamond

Obama Adventures: The United States Transforms Into a Jet

June 13, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

“Mr. Obama!” shouted Hilary, kicking in the door to the Oval Office. “Don’t touch that fucking shit-cunt of a button!” “Why not, Clinton?” Obama said, tenderly rubbing the button as […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Obama Adventures, Short Story

Jesus Suffers a Bit of Stage Fright

June 10, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

“Hey, Jesus, how about some wine?” “Huh?” Jesus said, turning around. He softly brushed his long, brown hair out of his eyes with his left hand, careful to keep the […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Interrogation Zach Diamond

The Pun Outlaw: Crime and Punishment

June 5, 2014by Zach 3 Comments

“Sir, I was looking for you,” Howard said, staring at the back of the chief’s neck. “We got him.” He turned around slowly, eyes staring down at a manila folder […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Trial by Combat Zach Diamond

Howard Requests a Trial by Combat for a Speeding Ticket

May 30, 2014by Zach 5 Comments

Trial by combat. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time: the short, fat judge wide-eyed as Howard uttered the words. It just made so much sense. He […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Zach Diamond Monologue

A Kindergartener with the Inner Monologue of a Pedantic 35-Year-Old Struggles With His Seat Belt

May 21, 2014by Zach 3 Comments

It was cold out, the gusting wind harsh against my exposed face. Mother had told me to wear my hat and scarf so as to conceal my skin from the […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Space Rednecks Zach Diamond

Space Rednecks: Protectors of Intergalactic Property

May 16, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“Hey Chuck.” “Hey Billy Bob.” “You see that there dang pile of rocks in that there corner?” “Sure do,” Chuck said. “I’m thinkin’ that rock pile is givin’ us a […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Luck Zach Diamond

The Flawless, Perfect Burden of the Luckiest Man Alive

May 13, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Chuck slid off the side of his bed so that his feet rested against the floor, then lowered his head into his upturned palms. It was another Saturday, another meaningless […]

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Chuck Tales, Depressing, Fiction, Short Story
Russian War Zach Diamond

Russia Accidentally Catches on Fire

May 9, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“Hey Dave,” Chuck said, left hand resting against the window as his right hand grasped the bar below it to stabilize himself. “Yeah?” “Remind me, was Russia always on fire?” […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Romance Novel Zach Diamond

An Excerpt from a Romance Novel Written by a Homeschooled Feminist

May 2, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

Steven leaned naked against the frame of the open bathroom door, his gleaming member dangling like the tail of a dog that knew it’d done something wrong. She stared at […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Apocalypse-Zach-Diamond

The Mysterious, Pink “Kill Yourself” in the Night

April 30, 2014by Zach 1 Comment

Chuck stared at the sign on the building, the words “Kill Yourself” back-lit atop pink, glittery letters. He hadn’t seen the color pink in decades—or any color, for that matter. […]

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Chuck Tales, Comedy, Fiction, Short Story
Phone Zach Diamond

Under the Influence

April 28, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

He held the phone in his hand, weightless yet inconceivably heavy at the same time. He could feel it tremble against his skull, quivering as he crushed the receiver against […]

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Depressing, Fiction, Short Story
Basketball Zach Diamond

Dave Learns the NBA Does Not Support the Throwing of Babies

April 16, 2014by Zach Leave a comment

“No, you can’t do that anymore,” Andrew said, left hand on his hip, right pointer finger raised and shaking back and forth. He was the sassiest ginger kid Dave had […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story

God Forgets About the Binding of Isaac and Attends a Gnarly Rager

April 12, 2014by Zach 2 Comments

“Sorry Abe, I’m back,” God said, appearing in front of Abraham in the form of an emerald-green lizard-man. He was roughly six feet tall and completely covered in scales, his […]

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Comedy, Fiction, Short Story

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This is Words on the Internet, the only website recognized by both Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton as "good, old-fashioned family fun that won't spoil if left out of the refrigerator for too long." Although neither person has ever actually been quoted as saying that, nor does it make any sense, I can assure you that they probably would say exactly that given the opportunity. Maybe.

Every Tuesday and Friday, I write and post a short comedic story here. Sometimes they may even be funny. Whatever the case, I welcome you to subscribe, read, and comment as you’d like.

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