Globflorb and the Super Mario-Themed Invasion Simulation
“I think I see where we went wrong,” Globflorb said, wiggling his tentacle at the monitor. “Right here, we should have put some sort of box or something there.” The […]
Category Archives: Short Story
Howard Takes His Company Public Before Nap Time
“Johnson,” Howard shouted, smashing his rattle against the wall, “I needed that report on my crib by 4:30 pm. It’s—” Howard paused, staring at the large, plastic owl-themed clock leaning […]
Chuck is Surrounded by Corporate Zombies
“Hey Chuck,” Brian said, limping into the cafeteria, his right foot dragging behind him as he strolled. He was carrying a pink, half-eaten brain in his left hand, his right […]
Chuck Has an Interspecies Identity Crisis
“What’s this all about?” Chuck said, falling backward into his chair at the kitchen table with a soft thud. “It’s not even 11:00pm yet, why did you throw everyone out?” […]
Chuck Accidentally Decapitates a Man at the Bank
Chuck stared at the crumpled body on the floor, a pool of blood collecting beneath it and blending into its wrinkled yellow cape. This was absolutely not how he’d expected […]
Chuck Investigates a Particularly Fishy Crime Scene
“I don’t think this was an accident,” Detective Greene said, staring down at the body, its torso half covered in a blue tarp. It had clearly been laying there for […]
Dracula Accidentally Contracts Ebola
Chuck shifted slightly, the hospital bed creaking softly as he moved. If he’d wanted to spend the night in another bug-infested room, he could’ve stayed back in West Africa, rather […]
Chuck Moves Into a Not-So-Spooky Haunted House
“Boo,” hissed the sofa, its teeth chomping wildly as it inched closer to him. “Right back at you,” Chuck slurred, grasping the wall for balance as he contemplated whether it […]
Obama Adventures: Obama Gives a Drunken Speech to a Bunch of Children
“The thing most people don’t know about me,” Obama said, “is that I slept my way to the top.” He glanced over at Hillary and winked. “I’m not so sure […]
Chuck Pretends to be a French Alcoholic
“Pardonnez-moi,” Chuck said, frantically rubbing at the crotch of the man next to him with a ball of what was clearly too many napkins. “Pardonnez-moi, pardonnez-moi!” “It’s okay,” said the […]
President Chuck Learns America’s Greatest Secret
Chuck lifted his hand to his chin and softly scratched at his beard. He still wasn’t entirely used to having one, but his political adviser assured him it was “great […]
Vegetable Folk Declare War on Vegetarians
Carrot turned and stared at the monitor. A tall, brunette human with a massive head smiled back from behind the screen, a bowl of his cousin diced up just beneath […]
Undercover Chuck and the Chocolate Factory
Chuck stared at the massive box of individually packaged candy on the table next to him. He’d been undercover for almost six months now, countless hours spent in the factory, […]
Chuck Discovers a Whale on the Subway
“Hey,” Chuck said, nudging the guy next to him. “This is the C train, right?” He had rushed to catch the train before it left the station and wasn’t […]
Chuck Saves His Real-Life Sitcom from Cancellation
Chuck wiped the back of his hand across her mouth. They didn’t even realize how close they were to the end, how little time they had left. The executives would […]
Chuck Is Definitely Not a Robot
Chuck scratched his chin, his fingers sliding against his skin with a harsh metallic scrape. The doctor continued staring at him, his face locked in a dumbfounded expression, as if […]
Chuck Smokes Meth and Steals a Car
Chuck stared at the meth pipe now lying by the gas pedal of his 1990 IROC. He wasn’t entirely sure he had smoked it correctly, or if it was actually […]
Wile E. Coyote Seeks an Outside Consultant
Wile sat with his right foot crossed over his left leg and watched as it shook up and down erratically. He didn’t like being in an office, they always made […]
Howard Notices Something Strange About Chuck
“There’s something a little weird about Chuck today.” “What?” Stan said, turning toward Howard. “Is now really the best time for this?” Howard shifted the pistol in his hand, careful […]
Jesus Christ: Intergalactic Fugitive from the Law
“Hello. I am an officer of the Intergalactic Ministry of Justice and I am looking for the fugitive known locally as ‘Jesus Christ’. Have you seen him?” “No,” Jesus said, […]
Chuck Accidentally Touches His Swirling Mirror
Chuck stared at the mirror above his bathroom sink. It looked different today. Well, it looked different most days, but typically that was due to how he was standing, what […]
Sarah Gets Sent to a Work Camp for Singles
Sarah rolled over onto her back, the hardened cot pressing a foreign feeling into her spine. She’d been awake all night, eyes locked blankly on the darkened ceiling overhead, staring […]
Chuck Detains an Illegal Alien
Chuck stared down at the small, gray creature, its skin oily in appearance yet dry to the touch. Oblong eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling. They were larger than […]
Chuck Has an Argument with His Toaster
Chuck stared at the toaster. It was such a rude device, always insulting his mother as he passed by. Tony, back in fourth grade, had insulted his mother once, said […]
Chuck Comes to a Startling Realization
“Has the sky always been so black?” Chuck said, staring up toward the darkened clouds. They looked odd, he’d never really noticed how peculiar they were. In fact, he wasn’t […]
Chuck Accidentally Kills Himself and Goes to Hell
“Hey,” Chuck said, trying to bend his tongue backwards into his throat. A piece of hot dog was lodged just beyond his reach. He stared at the vaguely-human creature ahead […]
Chuck Confronts Several Racist Aliens
I didn’t want to send Chuck. Honestly, I would’ve rather gone with Ted. Sure, he was slightly retarded—sorry, mentally impaired—but at least I knew he could be trained. Ted was submissive, […]
Obama Adventures: The United States Transforms Into a Jet
“Mr. Obama!” shouted Hilary, kicking in the door to the Oval Office. “Don’t touch that fucking shit-cunt of a button!” “Why not, Clinton?” Obama said, tenderly rubbing the button as […]
Jesus Suffers a Bit of Stage Fright
“Hey, Jesus, how about some wine?” “Huh?” Jesus said, turning around. He softly brushed his long, brown hair out of his eyes with his left hand, careful to keep the […]
The Pun Outlaw: Crime and Punishment
“Sir, I was looking for you,” Howard said, staring at the back of the chief’s neck. “We got him.” He turned around slowly, eyes staring down at a manila folder […]
Howard Requests a Trial by Combat for a Speeding Ticket
Trial by combat. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time: the short, fat judge wide-eyed as Howard uttered the words. It just made so much sense. He […]
A Kindergartener with the Inner Monologue of a Pedantic 35-Year-Old Struggles With His Seat Belt
It was cold out, the gusting wind harsh against my exposed face. Mother had told me to wear my hat and scarf so as to conceal my skin from the […]
Space Rednecks: Protectors of Intergalactic Property
“Hey Chuck.” “Hey Billy Bob.” “You see that there dang pile of rocks in that there corner?” “Sure do,” Chuck said. “I’m thinkin’ that rock pile is givin’ us a […]
The Flawless, Perfect Burden of the Luckiest Man Alive
Chuck slid off the side of his bed so that his feet rested against the floor, then lowered his head into his upturned palms. It was another Saturday, another meaningless […]
Russia Accidentally Catches on Fire
“Hey Dave,” Chuck said, left hand resting against the window as his right hand grasped the bar below it to stabilize himself. “Yeah?” “Remind me, was Russia always on fire?” […]
An Excerpt from a Romance Novel Written by a Homeschooled Feminist
Steven leaned naked against the frame of the open bathroom door, his gleaming member dangling like the tail of a dog that knew it’d done something wrong. She stared at […]
The Mysterious, Pink “Kill Yourself” in the Night
Chuck stared at the sign on the building, the words “Kill Yourself” back-lit atop pink, glittery letters. He hadn’t seen the color pink in decades—or any color, for that matter. […]
Under the Influence
He held the phone in his hand, weightless yet inconceivably heavy at the same time. He could feel it tremble against his skull, quivering as he crushed the receiver against […]
Dave Learns the NBA Does Not Support the Throwing of Babies
“No, you can’t do that anymore,” Andrew said, left hand on his hip, right pointer finger raised and shaking back and forth. He was the sassiest ginger kid Dave had […]
God Forgets About the Binding of Isaac and Attends a Gnarly Rager
“Sorry Abe, I’m back,” God said, appearing in front of Abraham in the form of an emerald-green lizard-man. He was roughly six feet tall and completely covered in scales, his […]
