Chuck Considers the Merits of Purchasing a Home in Hell
“I don’t know,” Chuck said, staring at the wall of fire ahead of him. “It looks a little painful for a living room.” Several sharp, metallic hands seemed to be […]
“I don’t know,” Chuck said, staring at the wall of fire ahead of him. “It looks a little painful for a living room.” Several sharp, metallic hands seemed to be […]
“Mayo Nip.” No, too blatant. I sighed softly, staring at the door of the bank across the street while rubbing my nipples tenderly. I’d been sitting in my hotel for […]
I recently watched The Dark Knight, and I must say: for all the acclaim it has received, I really found it, well, bad. The film opens up in what looks […]
“Has the sky always been so black?” Chuck said, staring up toward the darkened clouds. They looked odd, he’d never really noticed how peculiar they were. In fact, he wasn’t […]
“Hey,” Chuck said, trying to bend his tongue backwards into his throat. A piece of hot dog was lodged just beyond his reach. He stared at the vaguely-human creature ahead […]
I didn’t want to send Chuck. Honestly, I would’ve rather gone with Ted. Sure, he was slightly retarded—sorry, mentally impaired—but at least I knew he could be trained. Ted was submissive, […]
“Mr. Obama!” shouted Hilary, kicking in the door to the Oval Office. “Don’t touch that fucking shit-cunt of a button!” “Why not, Clinton?” Obama said, tenderly rubbing the button as […]
“Hey, Jesus, how about some wine?” “Huh?” Jesus said, turning around. He softly brushed his long, brown hair out of his eyes with his left hand, careful to keep the […]
“Sir, I was looking for you,” Howard said, staring at the back of the chief’s neck. “We got him.” He turned around slowly, eyes staring down at a manila folder […]
(This is the first chapter to a novel-length story I’m working on. Title is very tentative, as is this chapter. And I need to make a real picture, rather than some random […]
Trial by combat. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time: the short, fat judge wide-eyed as Howard uttered the words. It just made so much sense. He […]
Chaz glanced out the window of the bus as it slowly crept down the street. None of the people were right, they were all too stained. He wanted someone innocent, […]
It was cold out, the gusting wind harsh against my exposed face. Mother had told me to wear my hat and scarf so as to conceal my skin from the […]
“Hey Chuck.” “Hey Billy Bob.” “You see that there dang pile of rocks in that there corner?” “Sure do,” Chuck said. “I’m thinkin’ that rock pile is givin’ us a […]
Chuck slid off the side of his bed so that his feet rested against the floor, then lowered his head into his upturned palms. It was another Saturday, another meaningless […]
“Hey Dave,” Chuck said, left hand resting against the window as his right hand grasped the bar below it to stabilize himself. “Yeah?” “Remind me, was Russia always on fire?” […]
Hey Dogg, It’s President Obama. Well, former-President Obama. What’s good? Don’t bother responding to that, this is an email and I won’t be able to hear what you said. I […]
Steven leaned naked against the frame of the open bathroom door, his gleaming member dangling like the tail of a dog that knew it’d done something wrong. She stared at […]
Chuck stared at the sign on the building, the words “Kill Yourself” back-lit atop pink, glittery letters. He hadn’t seen the color pink in decades—or any color, for that matter. […]
He held the phone in his hand, weightless yet inconceivably heavy at the same time. He could feel it tremble against his skull, quivering as he crushed the receiver against […]
Chuck pulled at the tie around his neck, the loop tightening under his chin, his eyes staring into the hazy, rectangular mirror above the sink. He looked good, rather more […]
I was swole shamed by a doctor this week, mocked and humiliated by him in front of my peers, simply because of his hatred for mid-bulk, able-bodied people like myself. […]
“No, you can’t do that anymore,” Andrew said, left hand on his hip, right pointer finger raised and shaking back and forth. He was the sassiest ginger kid Dave had […]
“Sorry Abe, I’m back,” God said, appearing in front of Abraham in the form of an emerald-green lizard-man. He was roughly six feet tall and completely covered in scales, his […]
I’ve heard people claim that prejudice is dead, replaced in the modern era with acceptance and equality. I’ve heard it said that racism, bigotry, and body-shaming were a thing of the past. Call […]
It had been four weeks since she’d bought the house, four weeks since she last spoke to the Realtor, four weeks since she’d even stepped foot inside. It had taken […]
“You’re going to sit over here with Julie and watch.” “Yes, sir,” Fred said, slowly lowering himself onto the maroon-stained seat beside him, a hooded man grabbing at his wrists. […]
Leor paused, his sword raised over his head. Sweat-soaked hair dipped slightly into his vision, inadvertently blocking the blinding glare of the sun. The gladiator lay flat on the ground, […]
Zeus rose to his feet, his robe catching the edge of his chair slightly as he stood. “I will not stand for this,” he shouted, then paused. “Figuratively.” “Just give […]
Chris shoved his hand into his pants pocket and pulled out his phone. He frantically flipped it open and began scrolling through his contacts, his other hand gripped firmly around […]
The moment I saw her was the moment I knew my life would never be the same. The way her hair gently bounced with each step; the way her eyes […]
Chaz lowered his eye to the door’s peep hole and peered through. A thin figure stood on the other side, body deformed by the convex bend of the glass. He […]
Randy the Rhino rose from his bed and looked out at the day. It seemed it was Monday and that wasn’t okay! He couldn’t stay home and play as he […]
Mysterious Chuck’s Unisex Book of Dating and Pickup Artistry Chuck’s here to revive your dying dating life! Let’s face it: When it comes to relationships, you’re trash. You’re better off […]
Claire held her palms out in front of her and stared down at her nails. The cheesecake yellow paint was already beginning to peel off around her cuticles, despite having […]
Harvey smiled as he pulled open the car’s passenger door. He took a small step back and stretched out his arm. Molly turned her head to the right slightly and […]
Chuck knelt down, eyes fixed forward. The forest ahead was incredibly thick, allowing him vision of no more than a few feet, let alone the few miles he assumed he […]